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Originally “Christian Behavior” of The Head of the Family,
Husbands, Wives, Parents, and Children By John Bunyan
I
urge you in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, that while you
live here on this earth, that you be vessels of honor, and fit
for the master's use, and prepared to do good works [1 Timothy
6:18]. Study, so that you may be able to discern what is best
and may be pure and blameless until the day of Christ.”
[Philippians 1:10] Desire communion with God: “Eagerly desire
the greater gifts” of service in the Church [1 Corinthians
12:31]
We that are redeemed from among men, and that
rejoice in the hope of the glory of God, waiting for the
blessed hope - the glorious appearing of our great God and
Savior, Jesus Christ, consider what kind of people we ought to
be? We ought to live holy and godly lives. [Titus 2:13; 2
Peter 3:11]
I want you to take an honest and frank look
at the responsibilities and works, to which God has commanded
you in His word, according to your assigned places in life,
your callings, and your relationships in this
world.
DUTIES OF THE HEAD OF A FAMILY
If
you are the head of a family, then you are to consider the
several relationships you have; and you should know, that in
each one of them God has a special work for you to do, and
that He expects your faithful behavior.
DUTY TO THE
FAMILY IN GENERAL
He that is the head of a family,
has a work to do for God; to rightly govern his own family.
And his work is twofold. First, concerning the spiritual state
of the family, and secondly, their outward state.
1.
First, concerning the spiritual state of his family; he ought
to be very diligent and cautious, doing his utmost both to
increase faith where it is begun, and to begin it where it is
not. Therefore, he must diligently and frequently bring before
his family the things of God, from His Holy Word, in
accordance with what is suitable for each person. And let no
man question his authority from the Word of God for such a
practice; for the Apostle Paul strongly advises us that
“whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right,
whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -
if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such
things,” in other words, be sure to do them. [Philippians
4:8]
To be continually practicing this godly leadership
and direction in our family, is very much worthy of praise,
and very befitting for all Christians. This is one of the
things for which God so highly commended his servant Abraham,
saying, “I have chosen him, so that he will direct his
children and his household after him to keep the way of the
LORD. " [Genesis 18:19] This was also Joshua’s practice as
long as he lived, as evidenced by his statement, “As for me
and my household, we will serve the LORD." [Joshua
24:15]
Furthermore, we find in the New Testament, that
if any man was not faithful in leading his family in a godly
walk, then he was looked upon as a Christian of an inferior
rank; yes, so inferior as not fit to be chosen to any office
in the church of Living God. The Word of God mandated that
leaders of the Church “Must manage their own families well and
see that their children obey them with proper respect. For,
“if anyone does not know how to manage his own family, how can
he take care of God's church?” [1 Timothy 3:4-5] It continues
by stating, that the deacon must also “Be the husband of but
one wife and must manage his children and his household well.”
[1 Timothy 3:12]
Note well, that the apostle seems to
make this point very clear, that a man that governs his family
well, has met one of the qualifications for a pastor or deacon
in the church, for he that does not know how to manage his own
family, cannot take care of God's church.” These truths from
God’s Word about the qualifications of a pastor gives us some
insight into the responsibilities of the head of a family, as
it relates to the governing of his house. Note, the
relationships:
1. A pastor must be sound and honest in
his doctrine; and indeed so must the head of a family [Titus
1:9; Ephesians 6:4].
2. A pastor should be able to
teach, to reprove, and to exhort; and so should the head of a
family [1 Timothy 3:2; Deuteronomy 6:7].
3. A pastor
must be an example of faith and holiness; and so also should
the head of a family [1 Timothy 3:2-4; 4:12]. “I” said David,
“will be careful to lead a blameless life; I will walk in,” or
before, “my house with a blameless heart. [Psalm
101:2]
4. The pastor is responsible to gather the
church together; and when they come together, then to pray
among them, and to preach to them. This is also commendable in
Christian heads of families.
But someone may object,
saying, “But my family is ungodly and unruly, opposing all
that is good. What shall I do?”
I provide the following
answers:
1. Though this may be true, yet you must rule
them, and not let them rule you! You are set over them by God,
and you are to use the authority which God has given you, both
to rebuke their wickedness, and to show them the evil of their
rebelling against the Lord. This is what Eli did, though not
enough; and likewise did David [1 Samuel 2:24, 25; 1
Chronicles 28:9]. Also, you must tell them how sad your state
was when you were in their condition, and so labor to rescue
them out of the snare of the devil [Mark 5:19].
2. You
must also work to encourage them to go with you God's public
worship, so that, God may possibly convert their souls. Jacob
said to his household, and to all that were around him, “Let
us go up to Bethel, where I will build an altar to God, who
answered me in the day of my distress.” [Genesis 35:3] Indeed
a soul being rightly lead by the Spirit, will labor to draw,
not only their families, but a whole city after Jesus Christ
[John 4:28-30].
3. If they are obstinate, and will not
go to church with you, then get godly and sound men to come to
your house, and there let the word of God be preached, when
you have, as Cornelius, gathered your family and friends
together [Acts 10]. You know that the jailer, Lydia, Crispus,
Gaius, Stephanus, and others, were themselves and their
families, made gracious by the word preached, and that some of
them, if not all, by the word preached in their houses [Acts
16:14-34; 18:7, 8; 1 Corinthians 1:16]. And this might be one
reason among many, why the apostles taught in their day, not
only publicly, but from house to house. It is possible that
these godly men might, if possible, bring to salvation some
members of a family, which were previously unconverted, and in
their sins [Acts 10:24; 20:20, 21]. Some of you know how
common it was in the day of Christ, for people to invite Jesus
to their houses, especially if they had any afflicted, that
either would not or could not come to him [Luke 7:2, 3; 8:41].
If this was the case with those that have outward diseases in
their families, how much more then, where there are souls that
have need of Christ, to save them from death and eternal
damnation!
4. Be careful that you do not neglect family
duties among them; such as, reading the Wwrd and prayer; if
you have someone in your family that is saved and gracious, be
encouraged; and if you are all alone, then know that you have
both the liberty to go to God through Christ for their souls,
and also are able to have the whole church join with you in
prayer for all those in your family that need to be
saved.
5. Be careful that you do not allow any ungodly,
profane, or heretical books, or evil conversation in your
house. Remember, "Bad company corrupts good character." [1
Corinthians 15:33] Profane or heretical books, either tend to
cause one to live a wicked life, or at least to oppose the
fundamentals of the gospel. I know that Christians must be
allowed their liberty when it comes to things not defined in
the Word; but for those things that strike either at faith or
holiness, they ought to be abandoned by all Christians, and
especially by the pastors of churches, and heads of families.
We see examples of this in Jacob's commanding his household,
and all that was with him, to get rid the foreign gods from
among them [Genesis 35:2]. Likewise, those in the Book of Acts
set a good example for this too, by taking their scrolls of
sorcery and burning them publicly, though they were worth
fifty thousand pieces of silver [Acts 19:18, 19]. Failure to
rid the house of the evil books and conversation has caused
the ruin of many families, both among children and wives. It
is easier for vain talkers, and their deceptions, to subvert
whole households, than many are aware of [Titus 1:10, 11].
Thus they are capable of destroying the spiritual state of
your family.
Second, in regards to the outward state of
your family, you are to consider these three things.
1.
That it depends entirely on you to care for them and see that
they have a suitable living. “If anyone does not provide for
his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has
denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” [1 Timothy
5:8]
But note this, when the Bible says, you are to
provide for your relatives, it gives you no license to be
ungracious in your provision; nor to sit back and ignore the
needs of your family while you pursue the pleasures of the
world for yourself. Rather, you are to provide for them, that
they may have food and clothing; and if either they or you are
not content with that, then you have failed to obey God
commands [1 Timothy 6:8; Matthew 6:34]. This is the work
assigned to you, and failure to do this is unbelief in God’s
Word, which says, “That God feeds ravens, cares for sparrows,
and clothes the grass;” in which all three, to feed, clothe,
and care for, is what the heart of a caring father and or
husband must do from the heart. [Luke 12:6-28].
2.
Therefore though you should provide for your family; yet be
sure that your efforts at this provision are done with
gentleness and kindness; for the Bible says, “Let your
gentleness be evident to all.” [Philippians 4:5] Be careful of
driving so hard after this world, as to hinder yourself and
family from those duties towards God, which you are by grace
obliged to perform; such as private prayer, reading the
Scriptures, and Christian conversations and discussions. It is
a wicked thing for men to lead their families into worldly
pursuits, thereby leading themselves and them away from the
worship of God.
Christians, “The time is short. From
now on those who have wives should live as if they had none;
those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as
if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not
theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if
not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is
passing away.” [1 Corinthians 7:29-31]
Many Christians
live and work in this world, as if their Christianity was a
low priority in life, and this world and its pleasures were
all important; when indeed the things of this world are
fleeting and Christianity is the one thing we need most [Luke
10:40-42].
3. If you want to be a godly head of a
family, you must ensure that there is Christian harmony among
those under you, appropriate for a house where the leader
fears God.
(1.) You must see that your children are
subject to the Word of God; for though only God can rule the
heart, yet He expects that you should rule their outward
behavior; which if you do not, God may in a short time take
their lives. [1 Sam 3:11-14] See, therefore, that you keep
them self-restrained in all things, in the way they dress, in
the language they use, and that they are not gluttons, nor
drunkards; nor are they to behave foolishly towards each
other.
(2.) Learn to distinguish between those offenses
that in your family are done to you, and those which are done
to God; and though you must be very zealous for the Lord, and
bear nothing that is open sin against Him; yet have the
wisdom, to ignore personal injuries, and to bury them in
oblivion, always remembering that, “Love covers over a
multitude of sins.” Do not be like those that will rage and
stare like madmen, when they are injured; rather either laugh,
or at least do not give a harsh rebuke, but by all means
seriously warn them, when they dishonor God. Remember the
words of 1 Timothy, “Manage your own family well and see that
your children obey you with proper respect.” [1 Timothy
3:4]
DUTY IN RELATION TO YOUR WIFE
Do you
have a wife? You must consider how you ought to behave in that
relationship: and to do this right, you must consider the
condition of your wife, whether she is a believer or not.
First, if she is a Christian, then,
1. You must thank
and bless God for her: “For she is worth far more than rubies,
and she is a gift from God to you.” [Proverbs 12:4; 31:10].
“Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who
fears the LORD is to be praised.” [Proverbs 31:30]
2.
You ought to love her for two important reasons: (1.) Because
she is your flesh and bone: “No one ever hated his own body.”
[Ephesians 5:29] (2.) Because together you are both heirs of
the gracious gift of life.” [1 Peter 3:7] This should cause
you to love her with Christian love; to love her, knowing and
believing that you both are dearly loved by God and the Lord
Jesus Christ, and will assuredly be together with Him in
eternal happiness.
3. You ought to so behave and act
before her, as Christ does to and before His church; as
revealed in the Bible, “Husbands, love your wives, just as
Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
[Ephesians 5:25] When husbands behave like Christ would, then
they will not only be husbands, but a living sermon to the
wife, preaching to her the attitude of Christ. There is a
sweet aroma wrapped up in the relationship of husbands and
wives, that are believers in Christ; the wife signifies the
church, and the husband the head and Savior, “For the husband
is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church,
His body, of which He is the Savior. [Ephesians
5:23]
This is one of God's chief purposes in
instituting marriage, that Christ and his church, would be
pictured, wherever there is a married couple that believe
through grace. Therefore, that husband that behaves improperly
towards his wife, does not only behave contrary to the law of
God, but also causes his wife to lose the benefit of such a
rule, and frustrates the intended beauty and joy of this
relationship.
Therefore, I say, “Husbands ought to love
their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves
himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he
feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church.”
[Ephesians 5:28-29] Christ laid down His life for His church,
covered her sins, communicates to her His wisdom, protects
her, and helps her in her endeavors in this world; and so men
ought to do the same for their wives. Therefore bear with the
weaknesses of your wife, help her overcome her sins, and honor
her as the weaker partner, both spiritually and physically. [1
Peter 3:7].
In a word, be the kind of husband to your
believing wife, that she may say, “God has not only given me a
husband, but the kind of a husband who preaches and witnesses
to me every day the attitude of Christ to His
church.
Secondly, if your wife is an unbeliever, then
you also have a duty lying before you, which you are obligated
to perform for two reasons: (1.) Because she is under the
continual judgment of eternal damnation. (2.) Because she is
your wife and in an evil state.
Oh! how little some
husbands understand in their hearts the value of a living
souls; as is obvious by their unchristian attitude to and
before their wives! Now, to equip you with the right attitude
towards her, then,
1. Work seriously to understand her
miserable lost state, that your heart may long to help her
soul.
2. Beware that you do not give her any reason to
continue in sin, due to any improper conduct of yours. And
here you have need to double your diligence, for she lives in
such an intimate relationship with you, and therefore is
capable of seeing your smallest fault.
3. If she
behaves herself in an unseemly and unruly manner, as she is
subject to do, being without Christ and without saving grace,
then work to overcome her evil with your goodness, her
arrogance with your patience and meekness. It would be
shameful for you, who is indwelled with the Holy Spirit, to
respond with evil for evil.
4. Take appropriate
opportunities to convince her. Observe her disposition, and
when she is most likely to listen, then speak to her very
heart.
5. When you speak, speak with a purpose. It does
not matter the number of words, provided they are pertinent.
Job in a few words answers his wife, and stops her foolish
talking: “You are talking,” he said, “like a foolish woman.
Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" [Job
2:10]
6. Let everything be done without bitterness, or
the least appearance of anger: doing what the Scriptures say,
“Those who oppose [you], [you] must gently instruct, in the
hope that God will grant them repentance leading them to a
knowledge of the truth, and that they will come to their
senses and escape from the trap of the devil, who has taken
them captive to do his will.” [2 Timothy 2:25-26] “How do you
know, husband, whether you will save your wife?” [1
Corinthians 7:16]
THE DUTY OF WIVES TO THEIR
HUSBANDS
The wife is bound by the law of God to her
husband, so long as her husband is alive [Romans 7:2]. She has
her own specific tasks and responsibilities in the family. Now
there are certain attitudes the wife must have towards her
husband, which she must faithfully live by.
First, that
she look upon him as her head and lord, “The head of the woman
is man.” [1 Corinthians 11:3] And so the wife should be “like
Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master.” [1 Peter
3:6]
Secondly, she should therefore be subject to him,
as is fitting in the Lord. The apostle said, “Wives, submit to
your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.” [Colossians 3:18; 1
Peter 3:1; Ephesians 5:22] I told you before, that if the
husband walks in a godly way before his wife, then he will be
such an example of God to her, besides the relationship of a
husband, that will preach to her the attitude of Christ to his
church. And now I also say, that the wife, if she lives with
her husband in a graceful and submissive manner, she will
preach the obedience of the church to her husband, just as it
is written in the Scriptures, “Now as the church submits to
Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in
everything.” [Ephesians 5:24]
Now, wives, in order for
you to accomplish this, you must first shun the following
evils:
1. The evil of a wandering and a gossiping
spirit; this is evil in the church, and is evil also in a
wife, who is to be the living model of a church. Christ loves
to have His spouse stay at home; that is, to be with Him in
the faith and practice of His things, not wandering and
meddling with the things of Satan; wives should not be given
to wander and gossip everywhere. You know that Proverbs 7:11
says that the unfaithful wife, “Is loud and defiant, her feet
never stay at home.” Wives should be about their own husbands'
business at home; as the apostle said, let them “to be
self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and
to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign
the word of God.” [Titus 2:5]
2. Be careful of a silly,
quarrelsome, or talkative tongue. This also is repulsive in
wives, to be like parrots, not bridling their tongue; whereas
the wife should know, as I said before, that her husband is
her lord, and is over her, as Christ is over the church. Do
you think it is appropriate for the church to rattle on with
foolish talk against her husband? Is she not to be silent
before him, and to study to be obedient to His laws, rather
than her own fantasies? The apostle Paul said, “A woman should
learn in quietness and full submission. I do not permit a
woman to teach or to have authority over a man; she must be
silent.” [1 Timothy 2:11-12]
It is improper to see a
woman trying to usurp her husband’s authority; she must in
everything be in subjection to him, and to do all she does, as
having her justification, permission, and authority from him.
And indeed here is her glory, even to be under him, as the
church is under Christ: “She is to speak with wisdom, and with
faithful instruction is on her tongue. [Proverbs
31:26]
3. Be careful not to wear immodest clothes, or
to walk in a lustful manner; this will be evil both outside
and inside the home; outside, it will not only give a bad
example, but also tend to tempt others to lust and immorality;
and at home it will give an offense to a godly husband, and
will infect and lead astray ungodly children. Therefore, be
obedient to the Word of God which says, “I also want women to
dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided
hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes,” [1 Timothy 2:9]
And, that “Your beauty should not come from outward adornment,
such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine
clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the
unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of
great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women
of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves
beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands.” [1
Peter 3:3-5]
But yet, do not think that by the
subjection I have just mentioned, that I intend that women
should be their husbands' slaves. Women are their husbands'
partners and companions, their flesh and bones; and there is
not a man that hates his own body, or that is cruel to it
[Ephesians 5:29]. Therefore, let every man “love his wife as
he loves himself, and [let every] wife respect her husband.”
[Ephesians 5:33] The wife is the deputy master of the home,
and is to rule everything in his absence; And when her husband
is present then she is to manage the household, to bring up
the children, and to give the enemy no opportunity for
slander. [1 Timothy 5:10-14]
“A wife of noble character
who can find? She is worth far more than rubies.” “A
kindhearted woman gains respect,” and conduct her matters with
justice. [Proverbs 31:10; 11:16]
But someone may
object, saying, “But my husband is an unbeliever; what should
I do?
I provide the following answers:
If your
husband is an unbeliever, then the instructions that I have
just given are absolutely necessary for your
situation.
(1.) Because your husband, as an unbeliever,
will be watchful to take your slips and weaknesses, and throw
them as dirt in the face of God and your Savior.
(2.)
He will most likely make the worst of every one of your words,
attitudes, and appearances. And all this does tend to make his
heart be filled with more hardness, prejudice, and opposition
to his own salvation; therefore it is critical to obey the
clear commands in the Word of God, “Wives, be submissive to
your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word,
they may be won over without words by the behavior of their
wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.”
[1 Peter 3:1-2] Your husband's salvation or damnation depends
a lot on your conduct and behavior before him; therefore, if
you fear God, and love your husband, seek to have an attitude
full of meekness, modesty, and holiness, and a humble behavior
before him, and by doing this, you just might, “save your
husband?” [1 Corinthians 7:16]
But someone may further
object, saying, “But my husband is not only an unbeliever, but
one who is very arrogant, disagreeable, and irritable, and I
don’t know how to speak to him, or behave before
him.”
I provide the following answers:
Indeed
there are some wives in great slavery because of their ungodly
husbands; and as such should be pitied, and prayed for; so
they will be more watchful and cautious in all their
ways.
1. Therefore you must be very faithful to him in
all the things of this life.
2. Bear with patience his
unruly and unconverted behavior; you are alive, he is dead;
your life is grounded in grace, his is grounded in sin. Now,
then, seeing grace is stronger than sin, and virtue than vice;
do not be overcome with his vileness, but overcome that with
your virtues [Romans 12:21]. It is a shame for those that are
gracious to speak as those that lack true grace: “A patient
[woman] has great understanding, but a quick-tempered [woman]
displays folly. [Proverbs 14:29]
3. If at any time you
have a desire to speak to your husband for his conviction,
concerning anything, either good or evil, then have the wisdom
to observe the appropriate times and seasons: There is “a time
to be silent and a time to speak.” [Ecclesiastes 3:7] Now for
the right timing of your intentions, bear the following in
mind:
(1.) Consider his disposition; and talk to him
when he is farthest away from those filthy passions that annoy
you. Abigail would not speak a word to her rude husband until
he was no longer drunk with wine, and he was sober [1 Sam
25:36, 37]. Many wives ignore this and rattle on and speak a
lot of words, but see very little response.
(2.) Speak
with him at those times when he has his heart taken with you,
and when he shows tokens of love and delight in you. This is
what Esther did with her husband the king, and prevailed.
[Ester 5:3, 6; 7:1, 2]
(3.) Observe when convictions
seize his conscience, and then follow them with sound and
solemn Scripture verses. Somewhat like the way Manoah's wife
dwelt with her husband. [Judges 13:22, 23] Yet even
then,
[a] Let your words be few.
[b] And none of
them with a hint of lording it over him; but speak as you
would to your lord and master, by way of appeal and
urging.
[c] And that in such a spirit of sympathy, and
heartfelt affection seeking only his good, that your manner of
speech and behavior may be to him an argument that you speak
in love, as being aware of his misery, and inflamed in your
soul with a desire for his conversion.
[d] And follow
your words and behavior with prayers to God for his
soul.
[e] Still keeping yourself in a holy, chaste, and
humble behavior before him.
But someone may further
object, saying, “But my husband is a drunkard, a fool, and one
that does not have enough common sense to go to work.
I
provide the following answers:
1. Though all this is
true, yet you must know that he is your head, your lord, and
your husband.
2. Therefore you must be careful of
desiring to usurp his authority. He was not made for you; that
is, for you to have dominion over him, but to be your husband,
and to rule over you [1 Tim 2:12; 1 Corinthians 11:3,
8].
3. It may be a fact that you may have more
discretion than he, yet you ought to know that everything you
have and are, is to be subject to your husband’s lordship;
yes, “everything.” [Ephesians 5:24].
Be careful
therefore, that what you do is not done in your name, but his;
not to your exaltation, but his; carrying on all things so, by
your skill and prudence, that not one of your husband's
weaknesses be discovered by others as a result of anything you
do or not do. “A wife of noble character is her husband's
crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. She
brings him good, not harm, all the days of her life.”
[Proverbs 12:4; 31:12]
4. Therefore act, and do as
being under the power and authority of your
husband.
DUTY OF PARENTS TO CHILDREN
Now
concerning your responsibilities to your children. You are a
parent and so you ought to lower yourself. And besides, seeing
that the believing woman is a picture of the church, she
ought, as the church, to nourish and instruct her children.
The fact that the wife is always at home is a great advantage
to accomplishing her assigned tasks, and the Lord will prosper
her endeavors.
If you are a parent, a father, or a
mother, then you are to consider your calling in this
relationship.
Your children have souls, and they must
be born again by God, or they will perish. And also
understand, that unless you are very prudent in your behavior
to and before them, they may perish because of you: the
thoughts of which should provoke you, both to instruct, and
also to correct them.
First, to instruct them as the
Scripture says, “bringing them up in the training and
instruction of the Lord;” “Impress [the truths of the Word of
God] on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home
and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when
you get up.” [Ephesians 6:4; Deuteronomy 6:7]
Now in
order to do this you must:
1. Do it in terms and words
easy to be understood: do not use lofty expressions, they will
drown your children.
2. Be careful of filling their
heads with odd or fanciful ideas, and idle notions, for this
will soon teach them to be impudent and proud, rather than
sober and humble. Therefore expose them to the state of man’s
true nature; talk with them about sin, death, and hell; talk
with them about the crucified Savior, and the promise of life
through faith: remember, “Train a child in the way he should
go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” [Proverbs
22:6]
3. Therefore there must be much gentleness and
patience in all your instructions, for the Bible commands us,
“Fathers, do not embitter your children, or they will become
discouraged.” [Colossians 3:21]
4. Work to convince
your children, using honest conversation, that the heavenly
things which you instruct them in are not fables, but
realities; yes, and realities so far above what can be enjoyed
here on earth, that if the earthly realities were a thousand
times better than they are, they still would not be worthy in
comparison to the glory and value of these divine
things.
Isaac was so holy before his children, that
when Jacob remembered God, he remembered that God was “the
Fear of his father Isaac.” [Genesis 31:53]. My friends, when
children can think of their parents, and bless God for the
instruction and the good they have received from them, this is
not only profitable for children, but honorable, and pleasing
to parents. The Scriptures declare, “The father of a righteous
man has great joy; he who has a wise son delights in him. May
your father and mother be glad; may she who gave you birth
rejoice!” [Proverbs 23:25]
Secondly, The parent’s duty
of correction.
1. First, see if frank and honest words
will win them from evil. This is God's way with his children
[Jeremiah 25:4, 5].
2. Let the words of reproof that
you speak to your children, be both sober, few, and pertinent,
always adding some appropriate verse from the Scriptures; for
example, if they sin by lying, then remind them of the doom of
all liars as recorded in the Book of Revelation [21:8, 27]. If
they refuse to listen to the Bible, then remind them of the
judgments of God on His people that refused His counsel [2
Chronicles 25:14-16].
3. See that they are not
companions with those that are rude and ungodly; show your
children your serious and continual dislike of their
misconduct; often crying out to them, as God did in the Old
Testament to His children, saying, “Do not do this detestable
thing that I hate!” [Jeremiah 44:4]
4. Let all this be
mixed with such love, pity, and sympathy of spirit, that if
possible they may be convinced that you do not dislike them as
persons, but detest their sins. This is God's way. [Psalm
99:8]
5. Often attempt to impress on your children’s
consciences the day of their death, and of judgment to come.
God reminds us of this need by stating, “If only they were
wise and would understand this and discern what their end will
be!” [Deuteronomy 32:29]
6. If you need to use the rod
of discipline, then be careful not to strike them in anger,
but seriously show them,
(1.) Their fault.
(2.)
How much it hurts your heart to have to deal with them in this
manner.
(3.) That what you do, you do as a duty to God,
and love to their souls.
(4.) Tell them, that if they
would have been obedient, none of this severity would have
occurred.
This, I have experienced, will be a means to
afflict their hearts as well as their bodies; and it is the
way that God deals with His children, and it will most likely
accomplish its purpose.
7. Follow-up all these steps of
corrections with prayer to God for them, and leave the issue
with Him, for He declares: “Folly is bound up in the heart of
a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far from
him.” [Proverbs 22:15]
Lastly, Observe these
cautions,
1. Be careful that the misbehavior for which
you correct your children for, was not learned by them from
observing you. Many children learn their wickedness from their
parents and then are beaten and chastised by them.
2.
Be careful that you do not smile and make a joke out of their
small faults, because that joking attitude about their “little
sins” could be an encouragement to them to commit greater
ones.
3. Be watchful that you do not use offensive and
improper words in your chastising of them, because it is
devilish to be bitter, and to call them names.
4. Be
careful that you do not use scolding and threatening words,
mixed with lightness and laughter, as this will harden their
hearts. Do not speak too much, nor too often, but only words
that are fitting to them with all
seriousness.
DUTIES OF CHILDREN TO
PARENTS
There is also a duty children have to their
parents, which they are bound both by the law of God and
nature to conscientiously observe: The Bible says, “Children,
obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.” [Ephesians
6:1] And also, “Children, obey your parents in everything, for
this pleases the Lord.” [Colossians 3:20]
Now let me
list some things which children ought to do that would show
the honor that is due to their parents from
them.
First, They should always consider their parents
as being better than themselves.
I observe a vile
spirit among some children, and that is, they are apt to have
contemptuous and scornful thoughts of their parents. This is
worse than the unbelievers; such a person has the heart of a
dog or a beast, that will bite those that feeds them, and who
brought them into the world.
But someone may object,
saying, “But my father, is now poor, and I am rich, and it
will be a degrading, or at least a hindrance to me, to show
respect to him.”
I provide the following
answer:
I tell you that you argue like an atheist and a
beast, and stand in this full opposition against the Son of
God. [Mark 7:9-13] Must the blessing of wealth, and a little
of the glory of the butterfly, make you feel so important that
you will not honor your father and mother? Remember God’s
Word, “A wise son brings joy to his father, but a foolish man
despises his mother.” [Proverbs 15:20]
Though your
parents are in abject poverty, and you yourself are extremely
rich, yet he is your father, and she your mother, and you must
hold them in the highest esteem: The Bible says, "The eye that
mocks a father, that scorns obedience to a mother, will be
pecked out by the ravens of the valley, will be eaten by the
vultures. [Proverbs 30:17]
Second, children you ought
to show your honor to your parents, by a willingness to help
them with such necessities and accommodations which they need.
The Apostle Paul said, “Children or grandchildren . . . .
should learn first of all to put their religion into practice
by caring for their own family and so repaying their parents
and grandparents, for this is pleasing to God.” [1 Timothy
5:4] And this rule Joseph observed to his poor father, though
he himself was second only to the king of Egypt in a position
of power, note what the Bible reveals, “Joseph also provided
his father and his brothers and all his father's household
with food, according to the number of their children.”
[Genesis 47:12; 41:39-44].
But remember what Paul said,
about “repaying their parents.” There are three things for
which, as long as you live, you will be a debtor to your
parents:
1. For your being in this world. They are the
ones from whom, by the sovereign will of God, you receive your
earthly life.
2. For their care to preserve you when
you were helpless, and could not care for yourself.
3.
For the pains they have taken with you to raise you. Until you
have children of your own, you will not be aware of the pains,
fears, sorrows, and hardships, that they have under gone to
raise you; and when you do discover it, you will realize that
you have not even come close to repay them for their love and
support to you. How often have they fed you when you were
hungry, and clothed your nakedness? What care have they taken
that you might have resources to live and do well when they
were dead and gone? They possibly have given up their own food
and needed clothes for themselves for you, and have also made
themselves poor, that you might live like a man, for “'What is
the child but a piece of the parents wrapped up in another
skin.” (Flavel) All these things ought to be carefully
considered by you; and you ought to take special care of your
parents to repay them. The Scripture says so, reason says so,
and only those who think like dogs and beasts will deny it. It
is the duty of parents to sacrifice for their children; and
the duty of children to repay their parents.
Third,
therefore show, with a humble heart of a grateful child, that
you do to this very day, with all your heart, remember the
love of your parents. This can best be displayed by obedience
to parents.
Again, if your parents are godly, and you
are wicked, because you have not been born again by God, then
you are to consider, that you need to more than ever respect
and honor your parents, not only as a father in the flesh, but
as godly parents; your father and mother were given from God
to be your teachers and instructors in the way of
righteousness. Wherefore, to allude to that of Solomon, “My
son, keep your father's commands and do not forsake your
mother's teaching. Bind them upon your heart forever; fasten
them around your neck.” [Proverbs 6:20-21]
Now, to help
you be obedient, then consider the following:
1. That
this has always been the practice of those that are and have
been obedient children; yes, even of Christ himself to Joseph
and Mary, though He himself was God blessed forever. [Luke
2:51]
2. You also have the severe judgments of God upon
those that have been disobedient, to cause you to fear
disobedience. For example,
(1.) Ishmael, because of his
mocking attitude towards his father and mother, was both
thrust out of his father's inheritance and the kingdom of
heaven. [Genesis 21:9-14; Galatians 4:30].
(2.) Eli’s
two sons, Hophni and Phinehas, for refusing the needed rebuke
of their father, provoked the Almighty God to be their enemy:
“His sons did not listen to their father's rebuke, for it was
the LORD'S will to put them to death.” [1 Samuel
2:23-25]
(3.) King David’s son Absalom was hanged, as I
may say, by God himself, for rebelling against his father. [2
Samuel 18:9]
Besides, how little do you realize how
heart wrenching it is to your parents, when they realize that
you may very well be damned to Hell! How many prayers, sighs,
and tears, are there wrung from their hearts because of this?
Every sin of yours goes to their heart, for fear God should
take the opportunity to forever harden your heart. Oh how
Abraham groaned for Ishmael. He said, to God, “If only Ishmael
might live under your blessing!" [Genesis 17:18] Oh how Isaac
and Rebecca grieved for the sins of Esau. [Genesis 26:34, 35].
And how bitterly David mourned for his son, who died in his
wickedness? [2 Samuel 18:32, 33]
Lastly, can you
imagine, the remembrance of the loving concern of your godly
parents for your soul, will only increase your torments in
hell, if you die in your sins?
Again, if your parents
and you, are godly, how happy a thing this is. How you will
rejoice, that the same faith should live both in your parents
and you? Your conversion, possibly, is the fruits of your
parents' groans and prayers for your soul; and they cannot
help but rejoice; be sure that you rejoice with them. It is
true, in the salvation of a natural son, which is mentioned in
the parable of the Prodigal Son: “This son of mine was dead
and is alive again; he was lost and is found.' So they began
to celebrate.” [Luke 15:24] Consider this, that your parents
have received saving grace, as well as you, therefore purpose
in your heart so much the more to honor, reverence, and obey
them.
You are better able now to consider the pains and
care that your parents have been through, both for your body
and soul; therefore strive to repay them. You have strength
and resources to answer in some measure the command of the
Lord to care for your parents and grandparents, therefore do
not neglect it. It is a double sin in a gracious son not to
remember the commandment, yes, the first commandment with
promise [Ephesians 6:1, 2]. Be careful of giving your sweet
parents one cross word, or to display an inappropriate
attitude towards them. Love them because they are your
parents, because they are godly, and because you must be
glorify the Lord with them.
Again, if you are godly,
and your parents are wicked, as often is the case;
then,
1. Let your heart ache for them; it is your
parents that are going to hell!
2. As I said before to
the wife, in regards to her unbelieving husband, so now I say
to you, be careful of a sinful tongue: speak to them wisely,
meekly, and humbly; do everything for them faithfully without
complaining; and bear, with child-like modesty, their
reproaches, their bitterness, and evil speaking. Watch for
suitable opportunities to lay their condition before them. O!
how happy a thing would it be, if God should use a child to
bring his father to the faith! Then indeed might the father
say, With the fruit of my own body God has converted my soul.
May the Lord, if it is His will, convert our poor parents,
that they, with us, may be the children of God.
Thus I
have, in few words, written to you, before I die, a word to
provoke you to faith and holiness, because I desire that you
may have the life that is laid up for all them that believe in
the Lord Jesus, and love one another. After my death I will
rest from my labors, and be in paradise, because of the grace
of God. However, I can do you no good from heaven, for it is
only while I am on earth that I must do you good. Therefore,
not knowing how many days are left of my earthly life, nor of
my abilities and opportunities, in the remaining time, to
serve my God and you, I have taken this opportunity to present
these few lines to you for your edification.
Consider
what has been said; and the Lord give you understanding in all
things. Amen.
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