|
A Vision for Manhood
In this essay we will be looking at an inspiring book,
Raising a Modern-Day Knight, in an effort to learn how we can
motivate our sons to live lives of honor and nobility. This
book, written by Robert Lewis, grew out his own experiences as
he and some close friends struggled to lead their sons into
balanced, biblical masculinity.
C. S. Lewis wrote that the disparate strands of manhood--
fierceness and gentleness--can find healthy synthesis in the
person of the knight and in the code of chivalry. Here these
competing impulses--normally found in different
individuals--find their union.
Were one of these two bents given full rein, the balance
required for authentic Christian manhood would be lost.
Strength and power, without tenderness, for example, give us
the brute. Tenderness and compassion without masculine
firmness and aggressiveness produce a male without the fire to
lead or inspire others.
Biblical examples of these two elements resident in one man
are numerous. Jesus Christ, our Lord, revealed both tough and
tender aspects in His humanity. Once Jesus expressed a desire
to gather the citizens of Jerusalem together as a hen gathers
her young under her wings. We know that Christ wept at least
twice: once at the tomb of Lazarus and again as He looked out
over the city of Jerusalem and reflected on the fate of those
who rejected His witness. However, Jesus could also be very
stern. Once He made a whip, ran off the money changers in the
temple area, and turned over their tables. And, in the Garden
of Gethsemane, His mere glance knocked grown men to the
ground.
In Paul, we see the same blend of firmness and gentleness.
He poured himself out tenderly nurturing his spiritual
children, but he endured more hardship than most soldiers and
didn't hesitate to castigate false teachers.
In the Old Testament, we see David, who was a poet and
singer, but also a warrior and king. He had the fierceness to
kill Goliath, the giant, and the tenderness to provide for the
needs of Jonathan's descendants after Jonathan was killed.
Keeping the right balance between our impulses toward power
and aggression and the need to be gentle and tender is a
challenge most men face. In his book, Raising a Modern-Day
Knight, author Robert Lewis says that Christian fathers can
use knighthood as a symbol, an ideal, and a metaphor for
guiding their sons into authentic manhood. In this way
opposing drives can be harnessed and balanced.
Now, of course, everyone experiences difficulty balancing
competing impulses, but it is specifically the violence by
young males that is bringing our society to the verge of
breakdown. Our young men need a vision for masculinity that
challenges and inspires if our society is to be stable and
healthy. In an age of great social, spiritual, and gender
confusion, such as ours, there is a desperate need for clear
guidelines and models that can inspire young men and harness
their aggression for constructive ends.
This is where the image of the knight comes in. Since the
Middle Ages these men in iron have fired the imaginations of
young men. Knighthood is attractive because of its code and
its call to courage and honor. Young men are intrigued by
testing themselves against various standards, and the code is
inspiring because of its rigor and strictness.
The Need for Modern-Day Knights
In his enthusiastic foreword to Robert Lewis's book,
Raising a Modern-Day Knight, Stu Weber writes: "Our
culture is in deep trouble, and at the heart of its trouble is
its loss of a vision for manhood. If it's difficult for you
and me as adult males to maintain our masculine balance in
this gender-neutral' culture, imagine what it must be like for
our sons, who are growing up in an increasingly feminized
world."
We must supply our young men with healthy, noble visions of
manhood, and the figure of the knight, in this regard, is
without equal. In the knight we find a conception of manhood
that can lift, inspire, and challenge our young men to new
heights of achievement and nobility. One authority asserted:
"Not all knights were great men, but all great men were
knights." According to Will Durant, chivalry and knighthood
gave to the world one of the "major achievements of the human
spirit."
C. S. Lewis, in his essay, "The Necessity of Chivalry,"
agreed. He wrote that the genius of the medieval ideal of the
chivalrous knight was that it was a paradox. That is, it
brought together two things which have no natural tendency to
gravitate towards one another. It brought them together for
that very reason. It taught humility and forbearance to the
great warrior because everyone knew by experience how much he
usually needed that lesson. It demanded valour of the urbane
and modest man because everyone knew that he was likely as not
to be a milksop.
In Malory's Morte Darthur a fellow knight salutes the
deceased Lancelot saying: "Thou wert the meekest man that ever
ate in hall among ladies; and thou wert the sternest knight to
thy mortal foe that ever put spear in the rest." This
expresses the double requirement made on knights: sternness
and meekness, not a compromise or blend of the two. Part of
the attraction of the knight is this combination of valor and
humility.
Someone once said history teaches us that, "When most men
are soft, a few hard men will rule." For that reason we must
do everything we can to build into our boys the virtues of
strength and tenderness so they can be strong, solid family
men and so society will be stable.
The lack of connection between fathers and sons in our
culture, made worse by broken homes and the busyness of our
lives, has left many young men with a masculine identity
crisis. That's why the ideas in this book are so timely and
important. Our sons are looking to their fathers for
direction. Fathers are searching for real answers in their
attempts to guide their sons into godly manhood. This book
provides answers and guidelines for this search.
First, from the example of the knight, fathers have a way
to point their sons to manhood with clear ideals: a vision for
manhood, a code of conduct, and a transcendent cause. Second,
the pattern of advancement from page to knight provides
fathers with a coherent process for guiding their sons to
manhood. Third, numerous suggestions for ceremonies equip dads
with a variety of means to celebrate and validate their sons'
achievements.
The Knight and His Ideals
Now we will turn our attention to the knight and his
ideals. In Raising a Modern-Day Knight, author Robert Lewis
suggests three major ideals for modern-day knights: a vision
for manhood, a code of conduct, and a transcendent cause. A
Vision for Manhood - The author states four manhood
principles: Real men (1) reject passivity, (2) accept
responsibility, (3) lead courageously, and (4) expect the
greater reward. He suggests that though men have a natural
inborn aggressiveness, they tend to become passive at home and
avoid social responsibility. These principles, if followed,
prevent passivity from becoming a significant problem.
A Code of Conduct - The code for modern-day knights
comes from the pages of the Bible. Lewis lists 10 ideal
characteristics appropriate for modern-day knights taken from
the Scriptures: loyalty, kindness, humility, purity,
servant-leadership, honesty, self-discipline, excellence,
integrity, and perseverance. Modern-day knights must be
trained in three important areas. First, the modern-day knight
needs to understand that there must be a will to obey (God's
will) if there is to be spiritual maturity. The young man must
come to know that life is inherently moral and that there is a
God who knows everything and who rewards good and punishes
evil. He must know that absolute values exist and that the
commandments of God are liberating, not confining. Lewis
states "True satisfaction in life is directly proportionate to
one's obedience to God. In this context, moral boundaries take
on a whole new perspective: they become benefits, not
burdens."
Second, the modern-day knight needs to understand that he
has a work to do that is in keeping with his inner design.
This work is not just his profession or trade, but refers to
work in his home, church, and community. Life is certainly
more than a job, and your son should hear this from you lest
he get the mistaken perception that manhood is just one duty
and obligation after another.
A third realm of responsibility for the modern-day knight
is a woman to love. The code of chivalry requires that all
women be treated with respect and honor. Sons need to see and
hear from their fathers the importance of caring for women in
general and loving, leading, and honoring their wives in
particular.
The knight in training should be taught the value of work,
have summer jobs, do chores around the house, and study hard
on his school work. The goal here is to establish patterns of
industry and avoid sloth so that a solid work ethic is in
place as he gets older.
A Transcendent Cause - Life is ultimately unsatisfying if
it is lived solely for self. Jesus said if you give up your
life you will find it, so if you live for a cause greater than
yourself, you'll be happy and fulfilled. A transcendent cause
is a cause that a person believes is truly heroic (a noble
endeavor calling for bravery and sacrifice), timeless (has
significance beyond the moment), and is supremely meaningful
(not futile).
The only antidote to the futility of life is a transcendent
cause and a vision for life that "integrates the end of life
with the beginning," and connects time and eternity. Obviously
becoming a Christian, developing a personal relationship with
Christ, and living for Him are basic, irreplaceable elements
for having a meaningful life.
A Knight and His Ceremonies
At this point, we turn to focus on the importance of
ceremonies in the life of a young man. It is said that a
knight remembers the occasion of his dubbing (i.e., his
installment as a knight) as the finest day of his life. Such
is the power of ceremony that it makes celebrated events
unforgettable. Ceremonies are also invaluable markers that
state emphatically: "Something important has happened here!"
In much of the world, older men have instinctively seen the
wisdom of providing for their sons markers of their journey to
manhood. These markers have been in the form of periodic
ceremonies or a significant, final ceremony. Following such
events there is no doubt in the young man's mind that he has
reached the stage in his development celebrated in the
ceremony. Later he can always look back on the ceremony and
remember what it meant.
After the elaborate physical, mental, and religious
disciplines endured and passed in relation to his dubbing
ceremony, no medieval knight ever wondered, "Am I a knight?"
Such matters had been settled forever by the power of ceremony
in the presence of other men. This is what our sons need.
Our sons do not normally have such experiences. As Lewis
writes, "One of the great tragedies of Western culture today
is the absence of this type of ceremony. . . . I cannot even
begin to describe the impact on a son's soul when a key
manhood moment in his life is forever enshrined and
memorialized by a ceremony with other men."
The author suggests that there are natural stages in a
young man's life that lend themselves to celebration. Each
stage has a parallel in the orderly steps toward knighthood.
Puberty: The Page Ceremony - The first step for a
young boy on the path to knighthood was to become a page. He
was like an apprentice, and he learned about horses, weapons,
and falconry and performed menial tasks for his guardians.
Since puberty occurs in a young boy's life around 13 and is an
important point in a young man's journey toward adulthood, it
is an excellent time for a simple ceremony involving the boy
and his father celebrating this stage of the young man's life.
High School Graduation: The Squire Ceremony - The
next stage on the path to knighthood was the squire; he was
attached to a knight, served him in many ways, and continued
to perfect his fighting skills. This stage is roughly parallel
to the time of high school graduation. It should be marked by
a more involved ceremony led by the boy's father but involving
other men.
Adulthood: The Knight Ceremony - This is the stage
in which the squire, after a period of testing and
preparation, is dubbed a knight in an elaborate ceremony. This
marks the end of youth and the arrival of adulthood for the
knight. For the modern- day knight this stage of life is
characterized by the completion of college or entering the
world of work or military service. The author suggests this
stage as a perfect time to have a celebration marking a son's
arrival at manhood and full adulthood. This ceremony should be
very special; it should involve the young man, his father, his
family, and other men.
Some Final Thoughts on Knighthood
In this discussion we have been looking at Robert Lewis's
book, Raising a Modern-Day Knight, and discussing knights and
chivalry in an attempt to promote the knight as a worthy
ideal, symbol, and metaphor for young men to emulate. A
question left unasked is why young men might need a stirring,
vivid image or concept like the knight as a model. After a
lifetime of studying cultures and civilizations, both ancient
and modern, the eminent anthropologist Margaret Mead made the
following observation:
The central problem of every
society is to define appropriate roles for the men. Though
Margaret Mead was a controversial figure, and I have sometimes
disagreed with her myself, in this statement, I believe she is
right on target. Author George Gilder adds a similar insight
when he states: "Wise societies provide ample means for young
men to affirm themselves without afflicting others."
Men need appropriate roles, and they need the desire to
live and perform those roles. They need to be inspired to do
so. Men need roles that are considered valuable and held to be
worthwhile. This is true because men are psychologically more
fragile than women and suffer with their identity more than
women do, though feminists would have us think otherwise. Why
is this so? It is true because "Men, more than women, are
culture-made." This is why it is so important to have a
culture-wide vision of manhood.
In modern Western society boys make the journey to manhood
without a clear vision for what healthy manhood is. If they
get out of control, the whole society suffers. Proverbs 29:18
states: "Where there is no vision, the people perish" [or,
"are unrestrained"]. Knights and chivalry can supply a
stirring vision of manhood that has been lacking. Yet some may
think that the figure of the knight is an inappropriate image
to use to inspire Christian young men. Such people need to
take a close look at Scripture. The teachings of Jesus and the
letters of Paul use the image of the hard working farmer, the
athlete, and the soldier to illustrate the points they are
trying to make.
Furthermore, there are numerous biblical passages that
picture knight-like images, some of whom are angelic beings
and others are Christ Himself. Specifically, Revelation is
replete with images of courtly life familiar to medieval
knights: kings, thrones, crowns, swords, censers, bows,
armies, eagles, dragons, chariots, precious stones, incense,
etc.
Actually, we are more indebted to the knightly virtue of
chivalry than we realize. Many of the concepts and words have
become part of our familiar vocabulary. It is from chivalry,
for example, that we acquired the concept of the gentleman
(notice the dual stress here--gentle-man) and our concepts of
sportsmanship and fair play. It is perhaps no accident that
the decline in chivalry parallels the rise of taunting and the
"win at any price" attitude among our sports figures.
There is one more aspect to all of this that needs to be
emphasized. If we are successful in inspiring our young men to
seek to become modern-day knights, we need to remind them and
ourselves that one can't become a knight on his own. Our young
knights need the company of godly men to be all that they can
be; they need the Roundtable. As Robert Lewis states so well:
"Boys become men in the community of men. There is no
substitute for this vital component. . . . if your boy is to
become a man, you must enlist the community." Why? "First, if
a father's presence is weighty, the presence of other men is
weightier still. . . . Second, enlisting the community of men
results in a depth of friendship that the lonely never
experience. . . . And third, the community of men expands a
son's spiritual and moral resources."
|
|