This may very well be the toughest
challenge a man can face. If mastering the words (including
their tone) is not accomplished, he stands the chance of causing
harm instead of harmony in his marriage. He cannot constantly
use his tongue like a sword and uncontrollably jab with it,
withdraw it, and then repent for offending. That kind of
repeated abuse will ultimately result in the death of a woman's
affections. Instead, he must be in charge of his tongue the
moment a thought or a feeling tries to force its way out of his
mouth.
In order to appreciate this need, it would be wise for all
men to read, absorb and live by James 3:2-10:
For we all stumble in many ways. If anyone does not stumble
in what he says, he is a perfect man, able to bridle the whole
body as well. Now if we put the bits into the horses’ mouths so
that they will obey us, we direct their entire body as well.
Look at the ships also, though they are so great and are
driven by strong winds, are still directed by a very small
rudder wherever the inclination of the pilot desires.
So also the tongue is a small part of the body, and yet it
boasts of great things. See how great a forest is set aflame by
such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, the very world of
iniquity; the tongue is set among our members as that which
defiles the entire body, and sets on fire the course of our
life, and is set on fire by hell. For every species of beasts
and birds, of reptiles and creatures of the sea, is tamed and
has been tamed by the human race. But no one can tame the
tongue; it is a restless evil and full of deadly poison. With it
we bless our Lord and Father, and with it we curse men, who have
been made in the likeness of God; from the same mouth come both
blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be
this way.
If a husband heeds this advice, his marriage can experi-ence
levels of contentment unknown by far too many couples.
In all of his conquering, a man must fight daily to win the
battle over the tongue. He must never give up until the day it
rests quietly in the grave. To fail to engage in this battle
will eventually disqualify him as a good lover. And what man
would ever want that sad consequence!
How can I help Nathan win this war? The best informa-tion I
can give him is found in Matthew 12:34: "For the mouth speaks
out of that which fills the heart." Humans are like tubes of
toothpaste. Sooner or later we get squeezed by the pressures of
life. When this happens, whatever is in us comes out. Another
illustration is found in an interesting event that takes place
in West Virginia. Perhaps this unusual occurrence can be
documented from other areas of the country, but as far as I know
it is unique to the "Mountaineer State." During the summer there
are "Ramp Festivals" in the hills. Ramps are a wild onion. Their
potency makes garlic smell like the fra-grance of a hyacinth.
The most important thing to remember about the ramp, though, is
that the smell is most putrid when it comes through the skin
after eating them.
Served with ham and other country-type victuals, the ramps
are consumed by the mountain masses. If everyone partakes, the
nemesis that the rank can be to the nostrils is lessened
significantly. However, if a person refrains from the veggie, he
will pay for it when he gets in a crowd of folks whose bellies
are full of them. As the warm days linger after the ramp dinner
has been enjoyed, so does the aroma. It is especially pronounced
when a person sweats. Whether he wants to or not, he reveals
where he has been and what he’s been eating.
The same is true when it comes to that which exudes from the
heart by way of the tongue. When the "heat" is on, whatever a
person has been taking in will come out. Does it smell sweet to
the hearts of those around or could the aroma bring a runaway
train to a screeching halt? A husband who has been consuming the
Word of God will not offend his mate when the pressures of life
force him to say something.
With this truth in mind, the very best thing I can suggest
for my son to do is to fill his heart with the Scriptures. In
those times when his tongue is called upon to report the
con-tents of his soul, he will speak blessings instead of
curses. There’s not a woman alive who wouldn’t appreciate being
washed by the pure water of her husband’s sanctified words that
are rooted in the Scriptures (see Ephesians 5:26).