With high hopes that a girl will be
convinced that her affections can be safely entrusted into his
care, a boy can dis-play some amazing skills with the "emphasize
her needs, over-look her faults" principle. For example, an
unbetrothed fellow will sit at the table where the damsel of his
dreams has prepared some tasty morsels. He picks up a biscuit
made by the lovely hands of this delightful maiden. As he
squeezes it to break it open so that he might butter it, he
discovers that the item he has in his hands is not bread—it’s a
stone! It could have been used in the sling of David to bring
down the giant Goliath. Knowing that Goliath’s skull would
collapse under such hardness, the boy has no doubt that his
teeth would never be the same. Yet he understands that
maximizing her needs and minimizing her faults must be the rule
of the con-quest. So, with a willingness to sacrifice his
grinders, he bites into the biscuit. Afraid to smile for fear of
revealing the pos-sible new gaps in his dentures, he crunches,
all the while offering an approving expression. She smiles.
Then his love sits down to eat with him. When she puts the
spoon to her mouth he finds joy in the sight of her red lips,
which he thinks are so beautiful and that he longs to kiss.
However, what happens next serves to test his resolve concerning
his pursuit of her love. When she starts chewing, the noises she
makes rivals that of an entire battle with swords and cannons.
For a moment he mentally grimaces, but then remembers, maximize
her needs; minimize her faults. So he remains silent while she
chomps away. With a willing resolve to ignore her odd trait, he
presses on until at last, one day she lets him win the love
pursuit. Finally the wedding vows are exchanged.
The years of matrimony go on and the two are living in
bliss…until…one too many of his teeth have suffered her baking
and suddenly her ear-damaging chomps get the best of his good
nature. Somewhere along the way, there comes a reversal of the
premarital attitude that had served him so well. He begins to
maximize her faults and minimize her needs. When this happens,
things get really tense. The affections the woman confidently
placed in his hands are threatened. His patience with her
kitchen and table habits, as well as all the other things that
were once lovely but now barely toler-able, is wearing thin.
What can the young lover do?
This is what I want my son to know. First of all, the
description of the two lovers is not that of his parents.
Granted, Annie and I have had our bouts with some things that
were ignored during the dating days, but we have learned how to
deal with them. As a husband, I have come to under-stand that
what was an instrument of conquering before the marriage vows
must become the instrument of keeping after-ward. If this
metamorphosis does not take place in a man's heart, the
potential for wounded feelings is far too great.
While there very well may be some character improve-ments
that one mate can help the other accomplish, this must be done
with great wisdom and gentleness. The high goal of a man
lovingly accepting the imperfections of a woman while focusing
on her deepest needs can be obtained if he knows Christ. That
keeping tool can be found in Philippians 2:3,4:
As husband and wife, Annie and I have come to grips
with certain things about each other that have the potential to
put bad notes in our rhapsody of love. For example, we don’t
think alike on a plethora of issues. Though this is true, we
have decided not to let our differences create a wedge between
us. Just like chili would be bland without the spices, so would
a marriage be without differences. Conceding to this attitude
has served me well as a husband. The fact is, one has to yield
to the other’s uniqueness from time to time. The following song
Annie and I sing as a duet lists several of the things we
disagree about even to this day; yet, we remain the best of
friends.
I want my son to know that if he will see his wife’s needs as
more important than his own, he can have the same joy.
Incompatibility
Steve: I like a little mayo Annie: Mustard is my
thing Steve: Make my bread as white as cotton Annie: I'll
have wheat with seven grains; And a little candle glowing when
we eat is what I like Steve: I need to see what I'm consuming
So please turn on the lights Annie: I go to bed before the
news Steve: I'm still awake at 2 A.M. Annie: I'm up before
the chickens Steve: If I can I'm sleeping in; I like wearing
hunting clothes Annie: I like hunting clothes to wear; I'll
always ask directions Steve: I'll find my own way there
chorus—Steve and Annie We've got incompatibility
Everywhere we turn But still we stay together 'Cause
there's a lesson we have learned That if this man and woman
Were in every way the same One of us would not be needed
And wouldn't that be a shame
Annie: I like a walk in the park Steve: I would rather
run; How far can we go on empty Annie: I've never seen as
fun Steve: I like talking with my buddies When we're teeing
off at ten Annie: My greens and conversation Are a salad bar
with friends Annie: My feet are like December Steve: Mine
are like July Annie: While I'm piling on the
blankets Steve: I lay there and fry Annie: I married
Ebenezer Scrooge Steve: I married Mrs. Claus Annie: While
I'm watching Casablanca Steve: I'd rather be watching
Tennessee football
chorus—Steve and Annie We've got incompatibility
Everywhere we turn But still we stay together 'Cause
there's a lesson we have learned That if this man and woman
Were in every way the same One of us would not be needed
And wouldn't that be a shame.