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1. On the day Continental flight 1713 crashed, it
had been snowing all day in Denver. Due to cancellations on
other airlines, the flight was almost full, 77 people had
boarded. The captain of the plane did not seem worried when a
flight attendant questioned him concerning the competence of
his 26-year-old copilot who had just completed DC-9 flight
training 8 weeks earlier. He assured her that he would be at
the controls. He wasn't. On top of that neither pilot had any
experience flying is severe weather conditions. They failed to
visually check the wings and have them deiced every 20 minutes
before take-off. According a Reader's Digest article, instead
of checking the wings, "they fell into a pattern of aimless
chatter with sexual innuendoes about one of the stewardesses.
Their last 30 minutes of conversation, saved for posterity by
the cockpit voice recorder, are more remindful of two
adolescent boys on a camp-out than of two professionals
charged with the safety of eighty men, women and children."
As a result of their incompetence and lack of
teamwork, Flight 1713 crashed seconds after take-off. 28
people lost their lives, including both
pilots.
Leadership and teamwork are essential in
piloting the big planes. An experienced captain trains his
co-pilot through difficult situations. They work as a team,
correcting each other's mistakes, checking each other to
ensure safety.
The plane crashed because the captain
entrusted too much of his authority to the co-pilot. He failed
to check the wings. Catastrophe struck, not because of poor
weather, but poor leadership (Point Man,
pp.157-160).
2. A marriage is a lot like flying
a plane. The husband and wife are in the cockpit, captain and
co-pilot. Behind them, in first class, are kids and
grandparents. In coach are friends, extended family, church
family, school, work and social contacts. Below in the cargo
holds are a couple of vehicles, a house in need of a new
furnace, pets, golf clubs, etc...
3. In this
family plane, Dad, you are the captain. God has given you the
role of guiding it through free-easy flying and turbulent
dangerous situations. He's also given you a co-pilot in your
wife. She has a vital role, but she is not the captain. You
are. The Bible says that you are "the head."
4.
Flight 1713 crashed because the pilot did not take his role as
captain or "head" seriously. Marriages and families crash and
burn all around us because men and women either do not
understand or do not apply the biblical principles of
marriage. I'm preaching to the men today. I want you to
understand how important you are. Unless you taking "headship"
seriously, you family will crash and burn.
5.
Since the Bible is God's Word, let's ask of it three critical
questions: What is Headship? Why are Husbands Head? And How
are Husbands to Function as Head?
I. What is
Headship?
A. What headship is. When God
spoke through the Apostle Paul in Eph.5:22, He said, "The
husband is the head of the wife as also Christ is the head of
the church." God inspired Paul to use the Greek word kephale
(kef-al-ay'). Basically the word means a ruler or chief.
B. What headship involves.
1.
Headship involves AUTHORITY. God has given husbands authority
in the family.
They have the final call. President
Harry Truman used to have a sign on his desk that said, "The
buck stops here." He ultimately had authority in his
administration. In the family, the husband has the
God-ordained position of the final call in the decision-making
process.
2. Headship involves RESPONSIBILITY.
a. He has a responsibility to LEAD. Like a
coach, he calls the plays. He plots the course and makes the
strategy. Steve Farrar's vivid picture is that of a platoon
point man on patrol. Dad's God has given you the
responsibility to lead your family through the dangerous
jungle of this world. You wife and kids are counting on
you.
b. He has a responsibility to PROVIDE. No
matter the culture of the 90's, God intended the husband to be
the breadwinner of the family. To Adam was given the
responsibility to provide for his family's physical needs
(Gen.3:17-19). 2 Cor.12:14 says, "For the children ought not
to lay up for the parents, but the parents for the children."
In some homes, it is necessary for the wife to work. However,
more often than not, the wife works outside the home so that
there can be a new car, a bigger house, etc... To couples with
young children, I say, "Is a newer car really worth those
precious formative years in the lives of your
children?"
c. He has a responsibility to
PROTECT. There is probably not a man here who would not
instantly give his life for his family. We would protect them
from attack with our lives. How well do we protect them from
what comes through the TV set? How well do we protect them
from what they may read or hear in public school?
d.
He has a responsibility to PREPARE. Our little girls and
boys are growing up all too soon and will be pushed out in a
the world where the enemy will harm and deceive them. For
those of us with young children, we must realize that they are
the priority!
e. He has a responsibility to
NURTURE. As husbands and fathers, men are to nurture their
children. Eph.6:4 says, "And you, fathers, do not provoke your
children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and
admonition of the Lord." The most important priorities for
your family should not be sports, awards, scholarships or
graduation. Rather, they should be salvation and discipleship.
The man who fails to lead his family spiritually fails in
everything.
f. He has a responsibility to
DISCIPLINE. Prov.13:24, "He who spares his rod hates his
son, But he who loves him disciplines him promptly." Children
need to know the boundaries. The worst thing any parent can do
is try to be a friend to their child.
Men, I'm not just
giving you an idea about what you should be doing... you are
responsible to God for your family. As the captain, the head
of your family you will answer for your
responsibilities.
C. What headship
isn't.
Some of you wives may have turned me off. I
know I sound a bit old-fashioned. You think this
headship/submission thing went out with hula-hoops and
eight-tracks. Let me suggest that the reason you may not like
what I'm saying is because you don't understand. You are
confusing headship with authoritarianism.
1. Jot
down these signs of authoritarianism.
a. He
makes all the decisions without the input of the
wife.
b. He tightly controls all family money
and watches critically over his wife's
spending.
c. He never says, "I was wrong" or "I
am sorry."
d. He disregards suggestions and
pleas from his children.
e. He has an intense
need to control those closest to him.
2. God
never intended the wife to be the slave of the husband.
God never intended her to do all the cleaning, cooking,
shopping, and ironing, wait on him hand and foot from the
moment he walks in the door and then be a fantastic lover at
the end of the evening.
3. Headship isn't
intimidation. Imagine the disaster in the cockpit when a
co-pilot is too intimidated by the pilot to tell him that the
wings are icing up or a critical gauge is not operating
properly.
4. Yes, the husband is the "head of the
wife." Yes, to wives God says, "Submit to your own
husbands as to the Lord." However, 1 Pet.3:7 says, "Husbands,
likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to
the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together
of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be
hindered."
II. Why are Husbands Head?
The
prevalent marriage philosophy today is that marriage is a
50/50, absolutely equal partnership. In many circles, to
suggest that the husband should be the head of the home is the
equivalent as dragging your wife around by the hair and
grunting. Marriage statistics also tell us that over 50% of
marriages end in divorce. Obviously, the 50/50 philosophy does
not work well. Let's examine three reasons why God gave
husbands the role of headship.
A. First, headship
is LOGICAL.
1. Let me suggest a paraphrase
of our text, "Wide receivers, submit to your quarterback, as
to the Lord. For the quarterback is the head of the wide
receiver as Christ is the head of the church..." (NFL
version!).
Imagine a scene from a Dallas Cowboy
offensive huddle. Troy Aikman gets the play from the sideline
and gives it to the team. As he comes to the line, he realizes
that the called play will not work against the defense. So, he
calls an audible. Imagine if Michael Irvin said, "That’s the
stupidest decision I've ever seen. I'm not going to run that
play. I'll run the one we called in the huddle." Imagine if
every member of the offense decided their own plays. They
might run 11 different plays at once! Stupid! Yet that's the
system with which many families operate.
2. In
every organization, there must be a system of authority. There
must be a head. Without headship, there is chaos.
a. Pick any team sport... someone has to call the
plays.
b. Imagine how effective an army would be
without a chain of command.
c. Imagine a
corporation without a CEO to call the shots.
d.
Imagine our country without a president.
3.
Logic clearly implies that there must be a place where the
buck stops. Some guys are putting untold stress on their wives
and children because they refuse to take that logical place of
authority.
4. Some men complain that their wives
nag them. You whine because your wives spend your money and
make the decisions. Have you ever stopped to wonder why she's
calling the plays? Maybe it's because you won't.
B.
Second, headship is BIBLICAL.
1. When Eve
enticed Adam to sin, he did it. When God came to settle
accounts have you ever noticed, he bypassed Eve and when
straight to Adam first. From the beginning, God has held
husbands accountable for their families.
2. In
our text we learned that the husband is the head of the wife
"as.. Christ is head of the church."
3. 1
Pet.3:1 says, "Wives, likewise, be submissive to your own
husbands, that even if some do not obey the word, they,
without a word, may be won by the conduct of their wives."
4. Wives, you may not appreciate the biblical
principle of headship. You may think it is out-of-date and
out-of-touch. You may believe that I am being insensitive and
harsh. However, to disregard this teaching of Scripture is to
disobey marriage and to put the longevity of your marriage in
danger.
C. Third, headship is FUNCTIONAL.
1. Basically, it works! I can introduce you
to couple after couple who have applied these principles.
They've raised great kids and celebrated 40, 50 and some 60+
years of happy healthy marriages.
2. On the
other hand, I can point you to couple after couple who have
disregarded these truths and in their disobedience to God
found their marriages, their children, and their lives
crashing down around them. Divorce is spelled
D-I-S-O-B-E-D-I-E-N-C-E.
III. How are Husbands to
Function as Head?
A. Husbands must accept the
responsibility of headship.
1. 1 Tim.3:4-5
says that a church leader is to be "one who rules his own
house well, having his children in submission with all
reverence for if a man does not know how to rule his own
house, how will he take care of the church of
God?"
2. You don't have to become the head of
your home, you already are! God is not telling us to evolve
into leaders, He's telling us to act like the leaders we
already are.
My two girls are fascinated with the fact
that I was ever a child. As they look at old photographs of me
when I was their age, they have trouble believing their 6'2",
205-pound father could have ever been their size. You see,
their perception of me is not that of a man who has been given
authority, but to them I am authority. My size, my voice, my
personality all portray leadership to them. God made them that
way. If I fail to act as a leader, I not only fail them, I
fail God.
3. Whether we like it or not, God will
hold us responsible for our families. Eli was a great man of
God among the people, but God held him responsible for his
son's great sins (1 Sam.3:1,12-14).
4. The
greatest need of this country is for Christian men to stand up
and be counted. We've got to take a public stand for God, but
we mustn't be like Eli, we can't forget our
homes.
B. Husbands must realize their headship will
be challenged.
1. Our authority will be
challenged by our children.
a. We've all
cringed to be around children whose parents refuse to
discipline their children.
b. All children test
their parents authority. When we draw a line of obedience, we
must old them to it.
2. Our authority will be
challenged by our wives.
a. Guy's our wives
will not always understand or approve of our decisions.
Sometimes we are wrong. We need to listen to them. More often
than not, when I've taken time to listen to Deb, her
perceptive wisdom has saved my bacon.
b. On the
other hand, there are times when the buck must stop with us.
There are times when we must make decisions of which our wives
do not approve. At those times, in a kind way, we must remind
them that we are the ones who answer to God for our families
so we must ultimately make the final decisions.
3.
Our authority will be challenged by the
world.
a. Recently, there has been a major
movement to give children the same legal rights as adults.
Many European countries have made corporeal punishments such
as appropriate spanking illegal. There are many liberal
politicians who work hard to see such limits put on American
parents.
b. Such philosophies not only violate
the Word of God, they make no logical sense!
c.
I'm not talking about restricting laws that prevent child
abuse. I'm all for taking children away from dangerous
environments. However, there is a big difference between abuse
and appropriate discipline.
d. Dads, we have to
discipline our children fairly and stand up to such nonsense
in our government.
C. Husbands must model their
headship after Christ.
1. Let's go back to
our text for this last thought. V.25 says that husbands are to
love their wives (and their children) "just as Christ also
loved the church and gave Himself for her."
2.
Jesus loved the church so much, He died for it. Acts 20:28
speaks of "the church of God which He purchased with His own
blood."
3. In other words, men, when you don't
know how to exercise your headship, when you don't know how to
lead your wife and kids, look to Christ and His relationship
to the church. Ask yourself this question, "What would Jesus
do?"
Steve DeVore is an exceptional man who built a
multi-million dollar corporation on the principles of role
modeling. His company, SyberVision produces instructional
videotapes on everything from golf to skiing to weight loss.
He got the concept while in college. He was watching a
professional bowling tournament on TV when the thought struck
him that if he could emulate the movements of the professional
bowlers, he could achieve similar results. He jumped in his
car and headed for the local bowling alley. For the next 30
minutes he did "just as" he as seen the professionals do. He
bowled nine straight strikes and recorded a score of 278. The
key was he did it "just as" the professionals.
Men, if
we will do "just as" Christ. If we will hone in on His example
of love and sacrifice, we can guide our family 747s smoothly,
even through the most turbulent weather. Our Lord is in the
control tower, guiding us and our co-captains. Trust
Him!
If you've never met Jesus Christ personally, all
that I have said is irrelevant. You and your wife are alone,
flying through stormy skies. Won't you trust Him today?
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