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You have probably heard the observation that when you point
a finger at someone else you are, at the same time, pointing
three fingers back at yourself. Now there is no doubt that
this proverb is often quoted to stifle a well-deserved
criticism. After all, ours is a day in which it not considered
"nice" ever to pass judgment on someone else’s behavior. But
it occurs to me that the observation is quite apropos when
considering a commonly heard condemnation made by Christian
men today, namely, that our nation’s spiritual heritage is
under attack by those we call "secular humanists."
Certainly it is true that there is a godless element
intent upon rewriting history so as to deny our Christian
heritage and eradicating the last vestiges of Christian values
from our culture. This element of our population deserves
finger-pointing and the blame it communicates. Unfortunately,
as we apply such fitting judgments to these obvious
malefactors, we are implicating ourselves, as well. Three
fingers are pointing back at Christian men—because while we
correctly denounce the humanism of others, we fail to
recognize that which lodges in our own hearts and in our
families.
Yes, Christian men, even dedicated,
family-centered men, are too often what I will call "practical
humanists." This means we are humanists in effect, though not
in profession. We affirm the reality of God with our mouths,
but our lifestyle denies our confession. While we denounce the
overt godlessness of others, we ourselves have been guilty of
a quiet godlessness. If "humanism" is a denial of God, many
Christian men are humanists in the fabric of their daily
lives.
In the Bible we find a more reliably true
proverb than that with which we began: "The fear of the LORD
is the beginning of wisdom" (Prov. 9:10). What it means is
this: taking God seriously is the foundation for right
thinking and right living.
Applying this to our
discussion, we must acknowledge that too many Christian men do
not take God seriously in how they think and how they live.
While professing faith in God, there is no evidence that God
shapes their approach to major portions of their personal and
family lives. In matters as diverse as business, recreation,
dress, education, finances, and music, for example, there is
no discernible difference between many Christian men and
others who make no such claims to faith. I suggest that if so
much of a man’s life is unaffected by the God he claims to
revere, he is not actually taking God very seriously. He does
not truly fear God. He is, while a professing believer, a
practicing humanist.
It is no surprise that wicked men
act wickedly. What is disastrous is when good men fail to act
righteously. The reason our nation is on the skids is not that
godless humanists are out to eliminate public expressions of
faith, which they surely are. The problem is rather that
Christian men are too often guilty of voluntarily eliminating
private expressions of faith. Our nation is being destroyed by
the failure of Christian men to take God seriously in the way
they live in the home and in the small circle of their daily
experience.
Does God Make Any Difference?
In
particular, one of the prime symptoms of our malady is the
absence of family worship in Christian homes. Yes, this is one
of the chief barometers of how much "the fear of the LORD"
infects a generation of believers; and by that measure, our
generation does not take God very seriously at all. When a
family goes through a day without corporately acknowledging
God, they are, for that day, living like humanists. They are
saying that God is not present in their family, that he can be
ignored without it making any difference.
The children
of that household are being taught a subtle lesson: while we
talk about God, he does not affect our daily lives. The
children are being raised to be practical humanists. If God is
really the God we claim he is—the majestic, all-powerful
Creator; the gracious, all-merciful Redeemer—how can we ever
live a day without acknowledging him together in our homes?!
It just does not make sense.
Writing in the last
century, James W. Alexander in Thoughts on Family Worship had
this to say about children and the practice of (in his time,
twice-daily!) family worship:
The simple fact, that
parents and offspring meet together every morning and evening,
for the word of God and prayer, is a great fact in household
annals. It is the inscribing of God’s name over the lintel of
the door. It is the setting up of God’s altar. The dwelling is
marked as a house of prayer. Religion is thus made a
substantive and prominent part of the domestic plan. The day
is opened and closed in the name of the Lord. From the very
dawn of reason, each little one grows up with a feeling that
God must be honored in every thing; that no business of life
can proceed without Him; and that the day’s work, or study,
would be unsheltered, disorderly, and in a manner profane, but
for this consecration. When such a child comes, in later
years, to mingle with families where there is no worship,
there is an unavoidable shudder, as if among heathen or
infidel companions.
In too many Christian homes today,
someone who truly fears God would shudder. God is acknowledged
in profession, but he is not "a substantive and prominent part
of the domestic plan."
A Universal Christian
Practice
As our author wrote, regular, daily family
worship is simply an historical fact among godly families in
all ages and places. This gathering of the whole family for
the purpose of worship, Bible reading, and prayer is a
conscious, corporate ritual. It is a specific, intentional
gathering to acknowledge God together in addition to thanks
offered at meals or bedside prayers. While the church gathers
weekly to worship the Lord, the family assembles daily for
that highest of all human endeavors.
Both Old and New
Testaments contain abundant evidence that family devotion is
assumed as the lifestyle of the godly. We see the pattern of
domestic worship in the example of the patriarchs who so often
gathered their families around their crude altars to offer
thanks to God for his guidance and blessing (Gen. 8:20; 12:8;
13:4, etc.). The pattern in evident as well in the life of
Cornelius about whom we read that "he and all his family were
devout and God-fearing" (Acts 10:2); and he gathered his
family to hear the gospel proclaimed (v.24). The fact that the
early church met in homes testifies eloquently to the fact
that faith and worship find their first manifestations in the
household (Acts 2:46; Rom. 16:5,23; 1 Cor. 16:19, etc.). The
practice of domestic worship would have to be assumed among
the godly even if Scripture never hinted about its existence.
How could genuine faith fail to find such expression in the
family?!
From the early church to the Reformation times
in Switzerland, France, Holland, Scotland, etc., to the
colonial days in America, indeed, up to our own century, the
institution of family worship is an ever-present evidence of a
vital faith within the home. In Reformation Scotland, you
would come under church discipline if you persisted in the
neglect of the "duty of Family-worship" (Directory of Family
Worship, 1647). Not much chance of that today! But why not?
Only because our standards are so much lower today. We
tolerate practical humanism¼ and it shows.
A Father’s
Chief Duty
Men of God, it is up to us to remedy the
situation. No matter what our churches say (or neglect to say)
about it, we can and must assure that at least in our homes
God is taken seriously. It does not matter how far short of
godliness the church and Christians in general have fallen
today; we must say, "As for me and my house, we will serve the
Lord!"
If my highest overall priority in life is God
himself, and if my highest temporal priority is my family,
then it follows that that duty which rests at the intersection
of these two greatest obligations is my paramount concern in
life—and that duty is none other than family worship! It is
here that my devotion to my God and my commitment to my family
find their inevitable expression. I honor God best by leading
and loving my family; I lead and love my family best by
bringing them before God. Family worship is the most important
obligation of a Christian father.
If you have been
regular in this practice, keep up the good work! You show that
you understand what it means to fear God, and he will bless
you as you remain steadfast in your family
leadership.
If you have not been regular in family
worship, how do you go about developing this habit? We will
spend the remainder of this article addressing how to get
started.
Laying the Groundwork for Success
The
first thing you must do is to deal with your own personal
relationship with the Lord. Family spiritual leadership is
simply an overflow of a man’s own walk with God. In this
regard, do two things. (1) If you are not already doing so,
establish the practice of daily personal worship (devotions,
or quiet time). Again, you must be walking with God yourself
before you can lead your family in that walk together. Spend
some part of every day (preferably first thing in the morning)
reading God’s word, offering worship and thanksgiving, and
engaging in intercessory prayer. (2) Go before God and confess
the sin of neglecting family worship. Confess that you have
been a humanist in practice and have encouraged your children
to become practical humanists, as well. It is only as you
acknowledge sin that you will find the grace to develop new
patterns in your home. Mere efforts at "reform", apart from
repentance and grace, will not succeed in the long
run.
Secondly, deal with your relationship with your
wife and children. Don’t just try to sneak up on them and get
them to join you in family worship if you have not been in the
habit. (1) Sit them down and confess the sin of failing to be
the spiritual leader of the home. This is humbling and
painful, but it is necessary. Great failings require great
humility in acknowledging the fault. The most manly thing you
ever do will be to admit that you have failed in your manly
calling. Your family need to see that you recognize the
gravity of the matter of your spiritual leadership. They need
to see that you are serious about making the changes that are
needed. Taking this humble posture before your flock will
elevate you far higher in their esteem than if you kept silent
on the point.
While you have the ears of your wife and
children, (2) Ask their help as you begin to do your job. Let
them know you realize it will be hard to develop a new family
habit, but that you are committed to God to do so and must
have their support. Invite their ongoing counsel on the matter
of how family worship is conducted in the home. Ask their
commitment to cooperate with your efforts to lead, and ask
them to pray for you as you seek to obey the Lord in this way.
Family solidarity will go a long way toward assuring the
success of your program.
The third thing you should do
is to establish an accountability relationship with another
Christian man or group of men. Our generation needs to
rediscover the benefits of men encouraging one another in
their duties by holding one another accountable. Naturally it
makes sense for you to develop such a relationship with
someone in your church. In duties that pertain to your family
you need someone besides your wife to whom you can answer
about your progress. She is not your authority. Another man
can represent to you the authority of Christ through his
church. If your church is healthy, your elders should be
making it a point to encourage you in your family
responsibilities; but you should take the initiative to be
accountable to someone regardless. It would be wonderful if I
would always do what I knew I should out of sheer love for the
Lord; but lacking that, it helps to know my brothers will be
checking up on me! This is a vital ingredient for success for
most of us until we have our spiritual disciplines mastered.
Don’t neglect it.
The fourth and final step in laying
the groundwork for your successful practice of family worship
is to establish it as a part of the family schedule. This
means selecting a time when you can daily gather the whole
family together. Don’t plan just once a week, or "whenever it
works out." God deserves more honor than that! Plan a daily
time to meet. The ideal time is early in the day since this is
the best preparation for taking God seriously the rest of the
day. For some, this will mean having the family rise earlier
than they otherwise would. If it is simply not possible to
worship in the morning then plan a time in the evening,
perhaps right after a family supper before everyone scatters.
Whenever you decide to meet, stick with it and make the rest
of your schedule bow to this priority.
Many families
will need to de-clutter their hectic family schedule before
they can establish a realistic, sustainable meeting time. But
be clear about this: if your family is too busy to find a
daily time to worship God together, you are busier than the
Lord wants you to be! Don’t allow so many good things in your
family schedule that they crowd out the most essential family
activity. Simplify your family life and learn to walk with God
together.
A Pattern for Family Worship
If you
have not led your family in worship before it may seem like a
monumental undertaking as you anticipate getting started.
Recognize that fear and acknowledge it, but don’t allow it to
prevent your diving right in. The fact is that once you have
overcome the inertia of past neglect, have laid the groundwork
outlined above, and are willing and ready to conduct family
devotions, you have come 90% of the way toward success! The
actual "how to" of leading worship is no big deal. That’s the
easy part!
Get over the feeling that there is some
"right" way to lead that you have not yet learned. What your
family needs is you, right now, just as you are. God has
appointed you the spiritual leader of your little flock and he
will use you to lead them. See yourself as an adequate leader,
because your Father does!
There are three basic
elements to family worship: praise, Bible-reading, and prayer.
There is no formula for how these should be incorporated;
rather, there is an infinite variety of approaches. Here is
the key thought behind the inclusion of each of these three
elements:
(1) Praise is simply the response of
creatures to their Creator, of saints to their Savior, of
children to their heavenly Father. It is acknowledging the
greatness of God and the greatness of his works. Praise can be
expressed in prayer, in the reading of a Psalm, in a hymn or
chorus. Children especially enjoy singing, so having the
family sing praise to God—even if it is literally a joyful
"noise"—is a desirable part of any family worship
plan.
(2) Bible reading is God speaking to us. As the
family gathers in his presence, this is the most natural of
activities. The Bible reveals God, communicates wisdom, points
us to the Savior, tells us how to live. It is our spiritual
food. Feasting on a portion of it each day is the best
prescription for family health.
(3) Prayer is our
speaking to God. Through it we can express praise for who God
is, thanksgiving for his blessings, confession for our sins,
and supplication for God’s help in our needs.
The
simpler the plan for family worship the better. Just gather
your household, read a chapter of the Bible, sing a hymn, and
lead in prayer. As you get in the habit of doing this and feel
comfortable, you can begin to experiment with other ideas. For
now, the important thing is to get with the
program!
Here are some of those other possibilities.
You can have a discussion of the passage you read; practice
Bible memory; read a devotional or doctrine book; hear
insights each family member has gotten from their own personal
devotions; develop a brief "service" with a call to worship, a
hymn, confession of sin, a Bible lesson, intercessory prayer,
another hymn, etc.; incorporate your wife and children in the
reading and prayer; have some of the children provide "special
music"; focus prayer on different topics on different days,
like church families on Monday, missionaries on Tuesday,
government leaders on Wednesday, etc.; meet in different
locations to add variety; and on and on we could go. Let your
imagination go! Just don’t neglect the three basic elements of
any family worship time.
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