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She talked as if she were a single mom. The woman standing
before me at the curriculum fair was discussing her children
and their home education program.
"I started
homeschooling my oldest when she was in the third grade. As
for the younger ones, well, I never even sent them to
school....I like the curriculum I used the first couple years,
but then I decided to try....And now I'm not sure what to do
for math. Do you think I should use one of those programs with
the manipulatives?"
Having been around home educators
for a number of years, I decided to follow a hunch. "Are you
married?" I asked. "Yeah," came the reply, along with a look
that seemed to add, "What's that got to do with my
homeschool?"
Now this may be an extreme example, but it
illustrates a fact of life for many homeschooling families:
mother is in charge of the education of the children. It is
safe to say that in the vast majority of homeschooling
families it is the mother who makes the basic decisions about
the content and process of the educational program. Indeed, in
most American homes it is the mother who is in charge of most
decisions related to the upbringing of the children.
Homeschoolers are just following well-ingrained cultural
patterns.
Unfortunately, these patterns run counter to
the way God would have our homes operate. Fortunately, many
home educators are rediscovering one of the fundamental
premises of godly family life: Father is the family leader and
is responsible for directing all the affairs of the home,
especially the education of the children.
Notice who is
singled out as responsible for the upbringing of children in
Ephesians 6:4. "Fathers, do not exasperate your children;
instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the
Lord." This conforms to the pattern already established in the
Old Testament. "He decreed statutes for Jacob and established
the law in Israel, which he commanded our forefathers to teach
their children, so the next generation would know them...."
(Psalm 78:5,6a; cf. v. 3). It was about Father Abraham that
the Lord said, "For I have chosen him, so that he will direct
his children and his household after him to keep the way of
the LORD by doing what is right and just, so that the LORD
will bring about for Abraham what he has promised him"
(Genesis 18:19).
One of the happy side-effects of the
home education movement is that men (and women) are coming to
reevaluate their roles in the home in the light of God's Word.
They are realizing that God wants the husbands to lead and the
wives to follow that leadership. Some have not caught on yet
(like the woman—and her phantom husband—in the encounter
related above) but many do want to implement God's
plan.
Where do you start when you have been thoroughly
molded by our society's pattern for vanishing manhood? How
should the homeschooling father go about establishing his role
of leadership in the home?
To gain his place of family
headship the homeschooling father should seek to fulfill the
following leadership roles in his home: Priest, Policy-maker,
and Program-director.
Before he even concerns himself
with how to be involved in the day to day workings of the
homeschool, a father must begin to take his place as the
priest of the household. The most important role he can fill
in the home, and the one the absence of which will most
impoverish the family, is that of spiritual
leader.
Spiritual leadership is a many-faceted calling,
and we will not attempt here to exhaust its implications.
However, we can state assuredly that there are two concrete
activities which are fundamental to this calling: family
worship and intercessory prayer.
Making a Family
Altar
Taking the initiative on behalf of the family to
approach the Lord in worship has been the practice of godly
men from the time of the patriarchs who "built an altar to the
LORD" (Genesis 8:20; 12:8; 13:4, etc.) and led their families
in the worship of God as he guided them and blessed them
generation after generation. This author grew up in a home in
which the father led in daily family worship, a practice which
we then called "family altar," harkening back to the ancient
practice of gathering around the altar the father had built
for worship.
During times of spiritual health family
worship was the rule, not the exception, among Christian
households. In 1647 the Church of Scotland, which was then in
the full bloom of the Reformation, produced a Directory for
Family Worship. In the introductory section the following
guidelines were given to local church elders (called
collectively a "session"):
And, to the end that these
directions may not be rendered ineffectual and unprofitable
among some, through the usual neglect of the very substance of
the duty of Family-worship, the Assembly doth further require
and appoint ministers and ruling elders to make diligent
search and inquiry, in the congregations committed to their
charge respectively, whether there be among them any family or
families which use to neglect this necessary duty; and if such
family be found, the head of the family is to be first
admonished privately to amend his fault; and, in case of his
continuing therein, he is to be gravely and sadly reproved by
the session; after which reproof, if he be found still to
neglect Family-worship, let him be, for his obstinacy in such
an offense, suspended and debarred from the Lord's supper, as
being justly esteemed unworthy to communicate therein, till he
amend.
Back then you would come under severe church
discipline for the habitual neglect of the "necessary duty" of
family worship! Today it is too often regarded as optional for
a family to have devotions, and if they do, it may frequently
be the mother who leads them. But God's plan is clear: each
man should lead his family regularly in the worship of God as
a family. Worship is not just for the church. The family is
the first form of the church on earth, and worship is a vital
element of godly family life.
Some men may ask at this
point, "But what is family worship? How do I learn how to lead
it?" Let's not complicate what the Lord intends to be a simple
and natural part of our domestic routine. Here is a simple
plan:
* Pick a daily time when you can gather the
family for a few minutes—in the morning before work, at the
supper table, before bedtime, whatever works for you. (If you
have no time when the family can be together, reexamine your
family life. You are too busy if you do not have time for
family worship.)
* Read some Scripture. Father should
read the Bible as a rule, as an expression of his leadership.
You may also want to comment on the passage, if you have any
thoughts on its meaning or application.
* Pray. You
should pray as another expression of your priestly role in the
home. Of course others can pray as well.
* Sing. Music
has always been a prime way that God's people express their
hearts to him. Use favorite hymns and choruses. You say your
family doesn't sing well? Make a joyful noise
anyway!
The practice of regular family worship is the
foundation upon which a man can build a God-honoring family
life. Without it all the other efforts to train the children
will be weakened. Fathers must build into the fabric of family
life this united acknowledgment of the living
God.
Praying a Hedge of Protection
Job is known
to us all as the man who suffered terribly and yet maintained
his faith in God. Yet Job commends himself to us in another
regard as well: he had a special concern for his children:
"Early in the morning he would sacrifice a burnt offering for
each of them, thinking, 'Perhaps my children have sinned and
cursed God in their hearts.' This was Job's regular custom"
(Job 1:5). As a godly father Job made it a daily practice to
approach the Lord and intercede on behalf of his
family.
A leader is responsible to pray for those who
are entrusted to his care. Samuel the priest and prophet who
led the Israelites just prior to their having a king said to
them in his farewell address, "As for me, far be it from me
that I should sin against the LORD by failing to pray for you"
(1 Samuel 12:23). It is a sin against God for a leader to fail
to pray for those under his charge. This certainly applies as
well to the leader of a family.
The father is
strategically placed at the head of his family to wage
spiritual warfare on their behalf. His pleas for his wife and
children place a special hedge of protection around them that
no one else is so authorized to provide. Satan realized that
Job's prayers had been effective in moving God: "Have you not
put a hedge around him and his household and everything he
has?" (Job 1:10) The evil one could not penetrate the barrier
which God, by Job's prayers, had constructed.
When a
father neglects prayer for his family he leaves them
vulnerable to that "roaring lion" (1 Peter 5:8) who seeks to
devour the godly and who, like a lion attacking a herd of
deer, will often try to pick off the smallest and weakest.
Fathers are warriors who, by God's design and grace, are
equipped to protect their precious charges from spiritual
danger. Prayer is powerful, especially when it comes from one
in authority on behalf of those under his care.
How do
you pray a hedge of protection around your family? Again, the
Lord does not want you to be mystified by a simple and
straightforward duty. Here are some suggestions for how to
pray for your wife and children:
* Establish a daily
time of personal worship, part of which is devoted to prayer
for your family.
* Use the prayers which are given in
Scripture as models for your prayers, personalizing them for
your family members (e.g., Matthew 6:9-13; Ephesians 1:16-19;
3:14-19; Colossians 1:9-12).
* Pray for the fruit of
the Spirit and other specific character traits to grow in
their lives (Galatians 5:22,23). Pray for the specific needs
you see in their lives in terms of the spiritual fruit
required to meet the need.
* Pray specifically that the
name and the blood of Jesus Christ would protect each family
member and that the angel of the Lord would encamp around your
household (Psalm 34:7).
As we pray we should do so with
the humble acknowledgment of our sin and a hunger for
holiness. As we come before the Father in the name of Jesus we
have the assurance that he will hear and answer (John 14:14).
"The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective"
(James 5:16).
First Things First
There are a lot
of other things for the homeschooling father to consider as he
takes up the leadership of his family, but his priestly office
comes first.
Just picture yourself building a wall to
seal off your family from dangers outside and then building an
altar to lead them in worship of Almighty God. This twofold
building project is your most important calling as a father.
Neglect intercessory prayer and family worship and none of the
other advice about taking charge of your family will amount to
much. Build your wall and your altar, and you are ready for
the next elements of family leadership.
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